The pro's and con's living alone ?



As a species that is community driven, irrespective of identities, we rarely see human beings living alone, except for bachelors or bachelorettes, even among that group, they are usually occupied, primarily because its not efficient, we evolved to be a species of social living, because of various reasons, associated with evolution and living.


We need, each other to be able to function as a group and as a whole, to move in the social fabric. The early human societies also formed on the basis of survival to begin with, we needed someone to help in farming, and some one else to hunt meat, while some cleaned, the other made, and the other nurtured the young one's and together the network of beings, we started creating a system of order, to function.... well, to survive, to thrive, to live.


Interestingly enough, the challenges that are faced when living alone now a days, when in the Maslow's Hierarchy, are not merely physical but depending on the mental constituency and physical chemistry, we are faced with the idea of reflection.


To me self reflection is a natural act when i am sitting by the pond or drinking beer on the terrace watching the clouds and stars. To wonder, to ponder and to reflect on the questions, the beauty the observations of the totality that covers our eyes, is something that we often don't do.


I recollect a person, saying, something like, being alone and lonely are two different things.


Lonely is when we are bored of ourself. I ask myself, are we so bored of ourselves that we constantly need something or someone? May be why some of us become leeches or some become leeches to us, we constantly seek the hormonal injection of having someone, and yes why not? this is an evolutionary trait. We do , need this. Because facing our own being is far more bitter and terrifying, so to avoid this, bitterness of ourselves sometimes we loose ourselves in other avocations.


As always why would we choose to take on, something not worth, our plate of edibility.


Being alone is a beautiful feeling too, because if i am not wrong in this, when we live on our own, we give the person we meet also the chance to be themselves, and primarily that is what we as human beings want, we spend time with friends than family, because we are more of ourselves with our friends than we are with our families, and we are more of ourselves when we are with ourselves than... we are with friends. Remember how you were so much like yourself when you are on your own? at least in instances of phases in your life?


The subtle act of freedom in the being.


I stayed with a lot of people, who could never stay alone, we always need a stimulus of externality to validate our meaning in life, thats true with a plant, as its true with a being of superior intellect. As its true with me writing this piece of thought, as it is with me, when I have to see my phone every few minutes, I have to call my friends and family, I have to visit group's and gatherings, I have to plug in the earphones, I have to watch tv, and i love doing all these as well, all these to me personally, as an opinion are things that we engage with, because, to just be with ourselves is extremely terrifying , to say the least, because on the level of thoughts and experiences, we cannot face ourselves. At least i feared this in my initial days of wanting spend time in solitude, when all you can hear is the crikets chirping at night as the dead night whistles the breeze slowly soothing your nerves in the midst of storm and there is a power cut at your home and your down with fever. Lol.


I always lived with someone, and its sure a part of them rubs off on our own psyche, we are essentially mirroring each other to a lot of extent, authenticity is quite rare in the society we live in today, and if any of us are ever venturing into the path of knowing, what authenticity is, i believe, the experience that i have, is that , it starts with being on your own, and if you were, anyway, like me, a person who was addicted to a drug of sorts long back, you will know, Living alone is a drug!!


Once you get used to living alone and you become comfortable, you begin to see freedom arise, though this is largely based on the chemistry of your own Pysche and is surely not, really the healthy choice, especially because, when you go through depressions and anxieties, you need supportive beings to help you, and hence i suppose we are clusters, yet getting comfortable being alone, doing your own thing, not disturbing any one else, entertaining, pleasuring, working and growing on yourself, is quite a liberating feeling.


Living on your own, taught me things i never knew i had, being with yourself reveals, yourself to you, to a certain degree. I have been and seen people, "friends" who try to sacrifice their selves for the sake of a group or a person and their ideals, because the group mindset becomes a toxic trait to the individual, since you are a part of a group, even if you don't agree to your friend's remarks, you will sacrifice your individuality to fit in, and in the process of fitting in, because we are essentially afraid, what might happen if you loose your group of friends, which is an act in evolutionary survival, you loose your own uniqueness of character, creating a disregard to your own being, a form of self disrespect.


Haven't you ever seen how, your friend comes to and gossips about the other friend, because she dint like certain things about her and she had to sacrifice something in her and has to now complain that to you?

Yes, that is. These little acts of self mutilation create, the disturbance in our unconscious, we may not realise this, on the level of awareness, yet its true, have you ever realised years later, about some event where you should have said something or done something, and dint, and that day you sit and get resented on your bed, why you never voiced your opinion because , well the "group" mattered more than your self, your own being?


If we observe a lot of people who choose to live alone have been hurt the most and have the most kindest of hearts.


As long as i am alone, i know at least i am with someone who i can trust - Denzel Washington.


I am not saying, groups are bad, or that grouping is detrimental, quite the contrary, being part of something is beautiful, birds flock together, lions work in prides, fishes swim in schools, groups are important and needed, as long as the feelings and actions are respected on a manner of mutuality, without major regard to the identity, anyone holds in the group, be that of gender or class or race or age.


Soldiers are hence highly respected in my view, atleast i developed a lot of respect, because, they understand the meaning of a team, irrespective of all the identities, the know cohesiveness, my inner nature of being screamed for sense in this, of this, is that, groups often are good and bad, like everything in the world we live in. Even living alone for more than awhile becomes addictive, because once you taste the sweetness and bitterness that this provides, living with someone else becomes a form of burden, to me in some spirits.


I love groups, when people of the same frequency , who resonate with your being meet, we are capable of doing amazing things, hence we see, everything that was ever done, or worth doing, was done, never by an individual alone but by groups, an organisation or business.


Yet, to find so, is a process or a talented skill in itself. The constant stimulus of these is needed on the level of chemistry, we need the rush of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin etc without which to function efficiently becomes a difficulty. Essentially my opinion of this is that, we need to be in groups, or partner with those who are capable of understanding, I hang out or love someone, who is not worth your time, get abused by them and then claim rights and complaints, because i fucked up, well that is pretty stupid, on me, isn't it?


This is half the story of a lot of my past acquaintances, we get into the all the wrong fields of associations, get abused in some form or the other, mentally or physically, get enraged and then claim moralistic stands of doing that right?


We will never really know the right person or group, yet, to know, who is right for you, happens in one small act of trust.

No, its not the one you french kiss, its not the one who stripped naked for you, its not the one, who you have dinner with, its not the one who pays your bill, its not the one who cooks for you or cleans you.


Rather the the right person or the group, are the one's who have the courage, to wipe your tears, the one's who pick's you up when you fall and the people who can point out your mistakes in a genuine way to help you, this can be your pet , your beliefs, or your friend or lover, or partner, these are the group of beings worth being with.


And if, by any means of tragedy , planning , fate or luck, if that person was yourself, your own finger, that wiped, the tears down your cheek, while you were sitting in an emotionally obscured state of despair, then you have found someone you can trust, some one you can live with. You!


If you can take yourself to movies, restaurants, beaches, if you have the courage to sit with yourself, you can literally do anything.

As i recall by the end of the day, no matter how many lovers, partners you slept with , when you close your eyes after a busy day, you sleep with yourself isnt it? So?







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